It's All Real
by shadyvak
Summary: "It's all real, just like my feelings for you, Clare." With only a month left until graduation, Clare and Eli struggle not only with the prospect of being apart, but also with the return of an enemy from the past: Fitz.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This will be my first chapter fic ever, so please feel free to give me feedback! It is set to be around 10 chapters, but it could be more or less. Thanks for reading! You guys are awesome. **

**My tumblr is plaidcladmartin and I don't own Degrassi or any other pop culture references. Enjoy!**

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_**It's All Real Chapter One**_

"Jake, you know the socially acceptable way to enter a room is to knock first, right?"

I impatiently tapped my pen on my nearly illegible copy of _Hamlet_ I was reading for English as I flashed Jake the most annoyed look I could muster. Lately my concentration on schoolwork hadn't exactly been stellar with Eli's graduation only a month away. My distractions had been piling up since spring break, so I found any unannounced stepsibling intrusions a bit…unwelcome.

Ignoring me, Jake took a few steps into my sunlit bedroom, smiling even wider than usual. "What would you do if I told you I had an extra Muse concert ticket?" He reached into his plaid coat pocket and pulled out two slips, raising his eyebrows playfully.

"I would ask you why you didn't ask Katie first," I answered, turning my eyes back down to Shakespeare's soliloquy, figuring Jake was trying to make me jealous.

"Look Clare, Katie and I have been planning on going to this concert for months now, but it turns out that the Matlins took a last minute trip California for the week to see Stanford so Katie can make her final decision whether to go there or not," Jake explained, and I could see the sadness in his eyes about the prospect of Katie going to college so far away. I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the same situation with Eli. "So, are you gonna make me ask Mo or what?"

"No! No, I'll go! Thanks Jake." I grabbed the ticket out of his hand and studied it for a minute. "It's tonight? Where'd you get these anyway?"

"I got them really cheap off a guy who works at Martin's Contracting with me. Well, get ready, we've got to pick that guy up at 6:30." I glanced at the clock. **5:50.**

"Damn it, Jake!" I exclaimed, getting out of bed and hurriedly sifting through my disheveled drawers.

He gave a sarcastic "You're welcome!" as he slipped out the door. I decided on a pair of jeans and a floral shirt; it wasn't like I was trying to impress Jake or his coworker. After trying to fix the mess that was my after-school hair, I applied the tiniest bit of makeup and headed downstairs.

"6:20, record time," Jake said, rolling his eyes. I wasn't surprised to see him in his usual plaid shirt with jeans and a black jean jacket. "Come on, we're going to be late."

As I clicked my seatbelt, I turned to Jake, "Please tell me you don't have any _marijuana_ with you right now."

"Clare, remember I originally thought I was going with Katie to this concert? I wasn't exactly _prepared_ to bring my stepsister."

"So Katie doesn't know?" I was offended that Jake hadn't told her. I would have been furious if Eli had hid it from me.

"You never did either."

My jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me? You've been doing it for that long?"

He laughed. "Clare-bear, I hate to break it to you, but I _needed_ it to get through our relationship."

I was still mad at him, but I let it go. "Okay, let's promise not to bring that up again. I still can't believe you, though. The only reason I'm not punching you right now is because you're driving."

Jake chuckled, "Like you could take me."

I was about to respond when we pulled into the driveway of a house that looked old and very poorly taken care of. Jake and I exchanged confused glances.

"He said this was the address," Jake said, studying a scribbled-on slip of paper. He pulled out his phone. "I'll try calling."

"Hey, Mark? We're outside…Really? Okay…Bye." Jake turned to me. "He's coming out in a second." I was instantly apprehensive.

"This is the right address?" I asked.

"I guess so."

I had about a billion questions running through my head before the door swung open to reveal someone I hoped I would never see again.

Fitz.

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"Jake! Why didn't you tell me?" I managed to whisper-scream. He looked at me like I was crazy. "The universe is out to get me. That's FITZ!"

"You mean the guy who almost stabbed Eli? You must be confused. That's _Mark._"

"Fitz was his nickname, dumbass! Mark _Fitz_gerald. Oh God, he's coming! What should I do?" I exclaimed, nearly hysterical.

"Think fast!" Jake said under his breath as the truck door swung open and my eyes met Fitz's. I took interest in the fact that he looked strangely the same, except he was a bit more muscular and looked a little older, especially with the tiniest bit of stubble along his jaw. I fought with the idea that he looked somewhat…attractive. _Stop, _I told myself, _If you ever put _Fitz _and _attractive_ in the same sentence Eli would flip. _I looked down at my hands playing with my purity ring. _Eli's going to flip anyway. _

I could feel his eyes taking me in, making sure I was really who he thought I was. "Clare? Clare…Edwards?" He looked back and forth from Jake to me, clearly struggling with my surprise guest appearance. Fitz stepped up into the truck and I internally cursed this vehicle for having no backseat. He and I were squished up against each other and it could not have been more awkward.

"Hey, Fitz," I attempted, but my voice came out way too high. My cheeks flamed.

"Hey…Clare, Jake," Fitz nodded in Jake's direction and my stepbrother returned the gesture.

"So Fitz, you and Jake work together?" I asked, attempting to start a neutral, non-Eli related conversation.

"Yeah, I've really taken an interest in home improvement…you can probably tell my house isn't the safest place, so I've been attempting a few renovations. Plus, the job gets me away from home for at least a few hours." He gave me a sad look, willing me to remember the conversation we had about his drug-addicted stepbrothers, particularly Steve. "_Steve hates everything but the drugs he puts in his pipe_," he had said the same day I had started to doubt my relationship with Eli. I tried not to remember those dark days after Fitz started emailing me, but it was nearly impossible. Eli became overly possessive and I wondered if that side of him would come out again if he knew about me seeing Fitz again. I shuddered at the thought, but realized Eli had come miles with his mental health since then. The only flaw in our relationship was the prospect of us having to be apart too soon.

"Mark's really good at his job, too. He's really handy with tools. You should see him with a knife," Jake added, and I had to laugh at the irony of his statement.

"I'm pretty sure I already have," I said, exchanging an embarrassed look with Fitz.

"Oh, and you can probably tell but I go by Mark now. I've been making an effort to erase my dark past, starting with my old nickname," Fitz, or Mark, added.

"I'm glad. I guess we should have a fresh start tonight...Mark. No hard feelings?" I turned to face him, surprised to see him smiling. I returned the gesture, no matter how fake, trying to cover up the fact that I was experiencing a million different emotions at once; I was scared, intrigued, nervous, excited, all because of this guy who had fundamentally caused Eli and I to break up the first time we dated, who apparently was going by his first name now.

"Agreed. No hard feelings." There was a moment of awkward silence in the car, until Fitz filled it with an even more awkward statement. "Well I'm glad you and Emo boy aren't together anymore. You guys," he said, gesturing to Jake and I, "make a much better couple."

Jake and I looked at each other in mock disgust. Jake quickly responded, "Oh, Clare and I definitely aren't dating. I know I said I was bringing my girlfriend, but she bailed, so I brought Clare, my _stepsister_, instead." I nodded in agreement, hoping Fitz wouldn't bring up "Emo boy" again.

"Wow, okay. So you and Eli…"

"Are together," I said quickly, in a tone that hopefully said to stay far away.

It was obvious he was trying to hide disappointment, and badly. "Congratulations," he said, his face not remotely expressing that sentiment.

_This is going to be one long night,_ I thought.

"Did I mention I'm coming back to Degrassi to graduate?"

_Oh no._


	2. Chapter 2

**So here is chapter 2! I'm so sorry I didn't update this earlier, school has been crazy lately. The next update should be up pretty quickly because winter break started today. Really, I can't thank you enough for your support. You reviewers are amazing!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or anything else.**

**Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2

"Save me from my superstitions, now I'm free from the soul's condition. Wait just a while and I'll greet you with a smile," The lights were flashing bright colors, the Muse lyrics to "Save Me" and screams from fans were pounding in my ears, and yet the only thing I could think about was Fitz…Mark?

I had truly almost forgotten about the whole Eli versus Fitz ordeal (I tried to erase most of the ending of my first relationship with Eli), but to have Fitz show up out of _nowhere_ to say he's coming back for the last month to attend Degrassi? It was absolute heresy.

In the unbearably awkward remainder of the drive to the stadium, I had asked why Fitz, who was evidently trying to erase his past, was returning to the school that gave him the bad reputation in the first place.

"I'm going back as a tribute to myself, really," he started, "to really make my transformation into a completely different, _better_, person, I need to come full circle. I need to make apologies, start over, you know? Just for one month and then I'm gone from that place and everyone in it forever."

I studied him for a second, judging if he was just trying to pull this "starting over" BS to get to me, but he seemed pretty truthful. "But…I thought you were expelled?"

"I was. But Father Greg helped pull some major strings for me. And believe me, we had a lot of convincing to do."

"I would hope so," I replied, a little coldly.

Fitz turned to face me in the constricted space of Jake's truck, awkwardly adjusting his seatbelt before staring straight into my eyes. "Clare, I know I've done a lot of things to make you hate me. Trust me, I understand. I hate _myself_ for the things I've done. But I've had help," he stopped, judging my reaction. Although I felt a mix of anger, sympathy, fear, and even relief, I tried to keep my face neutral. I had even glanced at Jake for a silent confirmation that I was handling this well. Fitz continued, "Will you forgive me, Clare? We can start over as friends, or strangers, if you want. I just…it would be awful going back to Degrassi knowing you still hated me."

I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a brief second. "I forgive you, but it doesn't change anything. I don't think I can be your friend, but I will gladly be your acquaintance," I even shot him the smallest hint of a smile.

"I think I can handle that."

The rest of the drive, Jake and Fitz prattled on about work and some of the guys that worked there. Jake briefly mentioned his recent reconciliation with Katie after their Las Vegas break-up, and I pretended to listen to my iPod.

So far, being acquaintances with Fitz was working out pretty well. Our nosebleed seats hadn't exactly set a great tone for the night, but Jake's comment on "not even being high enough" sent Fitz and I into a fit of laughter that lasted the whole night.

"I'm going to get a drink, do you guys want anything?" Fitz asked in the middle of "Madness".

Jake shook his head (considering his mouth was stuffed with a soft pretzel), but I felt like moving. "Mind if I come with?" I asked, trying to sound as nonchalant and uninterested as possible. After all, I did _not_ want to give Fitz the wrong idea. He gave me a quizzical look, but shrugged his shoulders and motioned for me to follow him.

"So Fit- Mark," I started, catching myself before I could make things even more awkward, glad we could barely hear each other over the blaring music. "How'd you get these tickets anyway? This concert sold out so fast."

He looked my way, his light freckles more pronounced than usual because of the way the lights were shining on them. The bright red spotlights even gave his eyes a bit of a devilish glare, something I hadn't seen since Vegas night. I blushed, chastising myself for noticing small details about him. He put his hand up to his ear; obviously the band had drowned me out. "HOW DID YOU…" I stopped myself, realizing it was futile. I waved it away, and Fitz grabbed my hand and pulled me through the crowd. I almost attempted to pull away, but figured I would just get lost if I let go. By the look of it, Fitz knew his way around.

After what felt like an eternity of holding on to Fitz's hand for dear life as we navigated our way through the crowd, my palms were almost unbearably clammy and I was beyond uncomfortable. Finally, the concession stand was visible through a gap in the massive clump of fans. Many were seemingly drunk, high, and I even spotted some couples, well, publicly displaying their affection.

My ears were no longer popping out of my head, and I was happy that I could hear Fitz without him having to scream too loudly over the band playing their encore. "The concert's almost over. Which one do you want?" Fitz asked, gesturing to the t-shirts.

"Mark, I don't…I can't…"

"One small, please," Fitz nearly yelled at the guy running the stand.

I snatched the shirt away from him. "For one thing, I'd want a medium, but that's not the point. I'm not letting you buy me a t-shirt! I thought we came over here to get a drink." Fitz laughed, pulling out his wallet and handing the guy a 20 before I could stop him. He picked up a medium, holding it up for me with both hands.

"It's my peace offering. I know we haven't had the best past, and the last time we saw each other I messed things up between you and Eli, but I want to fix that this time around. Please, take it as a symbol of us starting over." I glared at him before huffily taking the t-shirt out of his hands.

"Thanks," I mumbled. Fitz looked at me like he was conflicted with himself. "Whatever it is, you can say it," I told him, raising my eyebrow.

"I just…you should know…the last time we saw each other, what I said…it's still true." He looked up, hesitantly judging my reaction. I was freaking out inside, but I stayed as calm as possible.

"That's great, Mark. I'm glad you're still so enthusiastic about your faith," I managed, and I could see the look of regret on his face. I could tell he desperately wanted to say something else, but he kept his mouth shut.

The truth is, I knew Fitz hadn't been talking about his religion. He was talking about our "spiritual connection". _"It's all real, just like my feelings for you, Clare," _he had said. I tried my hardest to push that statement out of my memory.

"You know, we should really get back to Jake so we can get going. He's probably wondering where the hell we went," I added, prompting yet another awkward car ride home.

Once we arrived at his house, I was nearly asleep. "Bye, Fitz," I mumbled in my sleepy stupor, "thanks for the shirt."

"No problem. See you Monday, Clare."

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That night, a loud buzz from my phone woke me up to a much-needed text from Eli. The excessively bright phone screen illuminated my dark room, offending my sleep-laden eyes.

**Eli: Hey, beautiful (: Are you up? **I glanced at the time. 2:04 AM.

**Me: Unfortunately. What are you up to? Did you have a nightmare? (;**

**Eli: Not exactly, I'm just dying to see you.**

**Me: Me too. I had an…eventful night.**

**Eli: Can I come over?**

**Me: Sure, as long as you can be gone by 7. Everyone's home.**

**Eli: I'll be over in 10. **

I smiled to myself, breathing a sigh of relief that I would be able to see Eli after the encounter with…_shit. What was I going to tell Eli?_ I figured the time would present itself. Besides, I had already texted him earlier that afternoon to tell him I wouldn't be on my phone for the night because of the concert, so the subject was bound to come up. I wouldn't start off his visit with a piece of news that would knock the wind out of him. Besides, I was exhausted.

I slipped on a pair of warm socks and tiptoed down the stairs, thanking Glen for installing new, soft, quiet carpeting on them just last week. After the shirtless Eli debacle, I think Glen understood that I would need as much help as possible to get around my mother's overly strict rules regarding boys, as he suggested carpeting for the stairs the very next day. I stopped for a minute, reminding myself to thank Glen for always subtly looking out for my best interests. As a new stepfather, I think he was trying to get on my good side, and so far, it was working. Glen had lately taken a (probably fake) interest in my life, asking me questions about school, the newspaper, and friends. I made a mental note to appreciate his efforts more. He was being a better dad than my real one, to say the least.

Suddenly, I heard faint footsteps approaching the front door. I opened it ever so quietly, smiling when I saw Eli smirking on the other side. He had that look on his face that instantly brought me back to opening night of _Romeo and Jules_ when he told me he loved me. He leaned in for a kiss, and I couldn't resist it after the day I had. Our lips lingered a little longer than a proper hello kiss, causing the butterflies in my stomach to flutter. "Come on," I whispered, grabbing his hand much like Fitz had done to me earlier that night. "We've got to be really quiet; Jake, Glen, and Helen are all asleep."

"I think I can handle that. Plus, I wasn't planning on doing a whole lot of talking anyway," he teased, trying to steal another kiss. I turned my head, wanting to get to my room as quickly as possible, and he ended up kissing my cheek instead.

"Get in here," I said, pulling him inside my room, carefully closing and locking the door behind me. "So…" I started, not knowing where, or if, I should begin telling the story of my afternoon.

Eli stepped towards me, closing the distance between us. He gently caressed my cheek, softly rubbing his thumb across it. He let his hand fall down to my neck, then along my arm, leaving a trail of goose bumps. "So, how was this 'eventful' afternoon?" he asked, studying my fingers in his hand and he stroked them.

I laughed dryly. "I thought you said you weren't planning on doing a whole lot of talking?" I trifled. Eli raised an eyebrow but rolled his eyes.

"Clare, you know I was kidd-" he began to say, but I cut him off with a quick kiss.

"Tell me, what exactly prompted you to come over at this ungodly hour of the morning?" I said, shifting the subject away from me, at least for a little while.

"Well, I know you said you were at the concert, and I wanted to wait to tell you…what I want to tell you…in person." He took a deep breath and stared at his fidgety hands. I nervously took one of his hands in my own to calm him, slowly rubbing my thumb across the back.

"I got into NYU, and they gave me money. I'm going there in the fall."

I battled my selfish emotions to put on a happy face for Eli. "That's amazing, Eli! I'm so proud of you." I immediately wrapped my arms around him in a hug tighter than usual.

"I actually got the letter over spring break. I was going to tell you earlier, but I wanted to wait until I was completely sure about my decision. I knew you would be the kind, selfless, beautiful, smart girl you are and try to convince me of going to NYU, but I needed to make this choice on my own. I seriously thought about going to U of T, but I knew I would be going for the wrong reasons."

I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him. I understood. I took his face in both my hands, telling him that I was so happy for him, that we would make it, that he was making the right choice. I knew all of these were true, yet I couldn't help but feel a fair share of bitterness at his announcement. Suddenly, the video we had filmed just a few short weeks ago was becoming a reality; I was not prepared to lose Eli so shortly after we had found one another.

"I love you," I whispered, and he responded with the gentlest of kisses that told me he was thinking the exact same thing.

**Review? **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Hope your holidays were great. Sorry for the late update! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any of the pop culture references. Oh, and I'm also not a palm reader, but the lines mentioned are actual palm reading facts.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Chapter 3 **

Eli's gentle kiss had quickly escalated into a fiery make out; he pulled me over to the bed, less carefully than usual laying me down with a push on my shoulder. He began to nip at my neck, and I was trying to lose myself in Eli's eager kisses, but with NYU and Fitz clouding my mind, I found it difficult to enjoy them like I should.

I hesitantly grabbed on to his hair, giving him the slightest tug in hopes he would get the hint to pull away. He did, and I instantly regretted it. His dark eyebrows raised in concern, his emerald eyes searching mine. "Did I do something wrong? Did I- did I hurt you?" Eli asked, his voice cracking on the last one.

"No! No, Eli, you're fine; I've just had a lot to process today," I rushed, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "I'm not exactly reciprocating like I should." I blushed, looking away.

He responded by shifting his position so he was spooning up against me, wrapping a comforting arm around my waist, pulling me as close to him as possible. I loved him for these kinds of gestures. "What are you thinking about?"

"You," I whispered, feeling his grin against my curls. "Well, you and us and NYU." _And Fitz, _I thought to myself.

"Clare, I love you. There's no way to stop next year from coming, so the best thing to do is to take advantage of the time we have left." He intertwined his fingers in mine, raising our hands to his lips. "I mean, we have all summer! Nothing is going to ruin these last few months for us, I promise."

I let out a contented sigh and began to play with his fingers, trying to take in every detail about him. The smallest bit of callous on his knuckles and lower palm contrasted with the smoothness of the rest of his hand. His lines were deep, and I ran my finger across them. "You know, when Darcy and I were little, my Great Aunt Susan secretly gave us a palm reading kit. She knew my mom would take it away if she knew (you know Helen), so she put it inside a Lego box. Darcy and I loved that kit; we must have read each other's palms twenty times over, predicting our futures, finding out things about our personalities, judging each other's successes in love," I paused to give him a knowing look. "Years later, when we found it again when she was packing for Africa, she threw it right in the trash. We fought for way too long about throwing away that palmistry kit, and finally, Darcy just said, 'it's time to let go of the Legos, Clare,' and I watched it go into the 'DONATE' box." I chuckled at the bittersweet memory, and Eli joined in. "Now every time I think about her, I just think about that kit and how, by giving away that damn Lego box, we made a silent agreement to _let go _of each other. I barely talk or even think about her anymore! The last time I heard her voice was last Christmas for five minutes. It's like she's not even a part of my family anymore." I turned my body so that we were facing each other. "I don't want that to happen to us when you leave. Please don't be like Darcy. Even if we aren't together, which I hope we will be, I want to _know_ you. I want to know about how your roommate is a clean freak. I want to hear you complain about your morning classes. I want to listen to you rant about the constant city noise outside your dorm. I really do. I don't even know what color Darcy's hair is anymore, let alone what she's doing. I couldn't handle a repeat of that...that _abandonment_," I choked. Eli and I never really talked about my absent older sister. I avoided the topic of Darcy like he avoided Julia; they had both left us when we weren't ready to let them go.

The look Eli gave me in return was so loving, I took it as a silent confirmation that he wouldn't be another Darcy. "Could you read my palm?" Eli asked, and I was taken aback that out of that whole anecdote, he wanted elaboration on _that_ detail.

"Eli, I can't remember-"

"You can make up some complete bullshit if you want, I just want you to try," he urged, and I couldn't say no.

"Fine," I replied, motioning for him to hand me his left palm. "Left is your emotional side." I studied his hand for a brief moment as Eli watched me. "Well, your head line turns down, so you're a more creative than straightforward thinker, but I think we both knew that already. Your head line and life line connect at the beginning, so your mind rules over your body."

"What about love? Does it say we're perfect for each other? Because then I'd know it works," Eli flirted, getting dangerously close to my lips, but I pushed him away, rolling my eyes but not hiding my smile.

"Your heart line is long and curved upward, so you give all of yourself to love no matter the consequences." We exchanged a brief glance, recounting with our eyes the calamity that was our first breakup, but we didn't care to elaborate. "There are two breaks in your heart line, showing especially difficult losses or ends of relationships."

"So, when Julia died and when I crashed my hearse for you?" Eli asked, genuinely intrigued.

"Probably, but it's impossible to tell."

"Anything else?"

"Yeah, you're a great kisser," I replied, and Eli looked confused for a second but realized what I was trying to do.

"Am I now?" He said, eyebrow cocked.

"I don't know; I might just have to test my palm-reading abilities."

"I don't doubt them, Madame Edwards," he whispered, leaning in for a kiss. His mouth welcomed my tongue and quickly his hands started working their way along the hem of my Muse t-shirt, only slightly raising it.

"You know," Eli said in between kisses, "I'm a pretty talented breast reader." I pulled away, laughing as he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Smooth, Goldsworthy." I took the opportunity shift our position so that I was on top of him. I took off my t-shirt with more boldness than Eli had come to expect. We had done this before, and it had gotten easier and easier each time to show myself to him. We hadn't had sex yet, but every time we kissed after the night of Battle of the Bands in the back of the truck, I had to ask myself why we hadn't taken that step.

Having been too emotionally drained after the concert, I had forgotten to take off my bra for bed. "Sexy," Eli commented, running his hands over the black lacy cups I had worn when I took the racy photos of myself for the whole Asher deal. Recently, Eli had been initiating more physical contact; he usually let me decide what was comfortable or where he could touch me, but lately he had been trying to push the boundaries. At this point, we both knew we wanted the same thing, we were just waiting for the right time.

And now I was worried it would never come with Fitz being back.

At the thought of him, I immediately tensed up, feeling a pang of guilt for not telling Eli yet. He could sense my hesitation, and took his hands off of me like I was on fire. "I'm sorry, I just- I can't do this right now." I felt terribly for stopping just when things were starting to heat up, but I couldn't keep fooling around with him when I knew about Fitz and he didn't.

"Clare?" Eli asked, sitting up.

"Can I- could you hand me my shirt?" Eli looked hurt. "I just need to get something off my chest," I assured, and Eli's expression softened.

He slipped the t-shirt over my arms and took a ringlet of my hair between his fingers. "What is it, beautiful?"

I took a deep breath. "You know how I said I was going to the concert with Jake?" He nodded, urging me to go on. "Well, Jake wasn't the only one there." He visibly tensed up, and I swore I saw a too familiar flash of jealousy in his eyes, but I knew I just had to keep going.

"Jake bought the tickets from a guy at work, and that guy came along with us," I hesitated, and Eli knew me too well not to know there was a missing piece to this story. "The thing is…_that guy_ was…it was Fitz," I finished, clenching my fists in hopes that he wouldn't overreact.

I snuck a glance at Eli, expecting the worst. Clearly, my announcement had taken him by surprise; I could nearly see the wind being knocked out of him. I scooted closer to him, taking his hand in mine and rubbing his leg. "Eli, please say something."

"…Fitz."

"Yeah."

His eyes widened, "he didn't try to hurt you, right? _Right?_"

"No! _No._ He just asked for a new start. He's even going by Mark now."

Eli wasn't taking this well. His hand was rapidly tapping against his kneecap and I took it in my own, attempting to calm him. "Clare, you have to promise me he didn't try anything on you. I- I couldn't stand it if he was still trying to take you from me. First that asshole Asher, now FITZ! Just- just…"

"Shh, Eli, I promise," I cooed, coaxing him back into a stiff laying position, running one hand through his soft raven hair and the other resting on his clenched fist.

After a few minutes of me whispering words of comfort to Eli and him taking deep breaths, he managed to calm back down. I breathed a sigh of relief. "Clare, you're amazing," he whispered, bringing his hand to my face and pulling me in for a brief kiss. "Thank you for telling me, for trusting me not to go crazy this time."

"Eli, I trust you more than you can even imagine, which is why I should also tell you…Fitz is coming back to Degrassi to graduate."

This time, he made no effort to hide his reaction. He shot up like a bullet, banging his fist against the mattress. Fear coursed through my body, but I realized this was Eli I was dealing with, and he would _never_ hurt me. He would never forgive himself if he even laid a finger on me.

"_God FUCKING DAMNIT! _That BASTARD is coming BACK?!"

I placed a reassuring hand on his face, and his intensity dropped in the slightest. "Eli, it's only for a month. We avoid him at all costs, and just…think of it as a fresh start. He won't come near you, I'll make sure of it."

"No, you won't, Clare. Don't talk to him. He already ruined our lives once."

"What happened last time wasn't all Fitz's fault. We have to blame ourselves, too, Eli," I managed, trying to keep my tone even and soft.

Eli looked at me, his eyes red with the threat of tears. "I just can't lose you again, Clare. I _can't."_

"You're not going to," I said, realizing I had used the same phrase during our first relationship. At the time, I never thought I would lose him, but I still wasn't mature enough to fully commit. Now, the thought of losing him actually _scared_ me. Then, I wanted him. Now, I needed him.

"Promise?" he pleaded, his expression enough to bring me to tears myself.

"I promise, forever and always."

He smiled, and I couldn't help but reciprocate even through my tears.

Fitz may have been one of the main causes of our breakup the first time around, but there was no way he would be involved in the second. Wordlessly, we climbed under the covers, him still in his jeans, and fell asleep holding hands.

It was such a simple gesture, but tonight, it meant everything.

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